Dark enough (Round 13, Spring 2011)

PSU Spring 2011 Semester: Ian Lloyd, Seth Lloyd, Blake Lloyd, Emma Sutton, Audrey Sutton, and Edwin Chase are 21; Silvia Howell is 20; Darcy Sutton is 18

Soundtrack: “My Skin” by Natalie Merchant

He’s falling apart, really.

There was anger and hurt and the need to punch anything in sight–just take a look at the mailbox out front that now sports a huge dent in the side–for a long time. Now there’s just sadness. He tries to work on his final paper for English class, but even that makes him think about Emma and he can’t stop the shuddering sobs that overtake him.

He rarely makes it out of his pajamas these days. What’s the point?

“Dude,” his cousin Ian says. “You’ve gotta get a grip. When was the last time you showered?”

“Um,” Seth says, trying to remember. “Last Monday, I think?”

“It’s been four days,” Ian says. “Seriously, we’d all appreciate it if you at least dump some shampoo over your head and let the water do it’s job.”

“Eh.” Seth shrugs. He doesn’t care if he smells. He doesn’t care if he’s been wearing the same pajamas for a week now without washing them. He doesn’t even care that the macaroni is slightly undercooked and a bit crunchy.

“What is your problem anyway?” Ian asks.

“In case you didn’t hear, my girlfriend cheated on me,” Seth snaps.

“And so now you’re going to spend the rest of your life miserable and crying in the corner by yourself? So Emma kissed some guy. It was one time, right? And even after that, she still wanted you? Right?”

“Yeah,” Seth mumbles.

“So again, what is your problem?” Ian asks. “If you want Emma and she wants you, then just get back together with her. After you get a shower, I mean. Because, dude, she’s never going to want you when you stink this bad.”

Ian gets up, feeling nauseous at Seth’s smell, and leaves the room quickly. Seth stares into his bowl, stirring the last bits of his crunchy macaroni.

Blake never actually thought that he would be the one with a girl while his twin was dateless. It’s a strange thing to suddenly be in this relationship where you want to be with the other person all the time. Blake has always been a bit too shy around girls, but Silvia brings out the best in him.

And now, instead of being entirely focused on his studies, the only thing Blake really wants to do is hold Silvia and kiss her and talk to her and touch her. All the time.

But there’s still one thing they haven’t yet done.

“It’s perfectly natural,” Blake says. He’s a medical student and so he knows the ins and outs–biologically speaking that is–about these things.

“I know that,” Silvia says. “But just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean we have to right this moment.”

Blake highlights a passage in his textbook, then says, “I’m prepared, you know. In case you were worried that I might not be. I have everything we need.”

“Well, in that case, tear my clothes off right now and make love to me right here,” Silvia says.

Blake pauses. “Seriously?”

Silvia sighs as she turns a page. “No, you dope. You’re going to have to wait a little longer.”

“How much longer? Do you have like an estimate you could give me? Before graduation? Before I become chief of staff? Before I die?”

“Soon,” Silvia says, which really isn’t much help in reassuring Blake that he won’t die as the world’s oldest virgin.

###

It was Silvia’s idea and Seth had laughed it off at the time. But when nothing else helps, he locks himself in the little room with the ballet barre upstairs and gets to work stretching out his limbs.

“I’m a butterfly,” he mutters, repeating the mantra Silvia told him. “Opening myself out to the world. Letting go of my negative feelings. I’m a soaring butterfly…and I feel like an idiot.”

He wobbles a moment, clinging tighter to the barre to steady himself. Truthfully, he doesn’t feel any negative emotions falling away from him. And he certainly doesn’t feel like a butterfly. He’s getting a cramp in one leg and he’s pretty sure he’s pulled a pretty important muscle in his groin area, but he grits his teeth and tries to focus on the stretches. He’s going to relieve the tension in his body even if it kills him! Because Ian is right, he has to get a grip. He can’t keep going on like this.

And maybe, he thinks, letting out a long and deep breath, he has to be the one to make the first move.

###

Audrey checks her reflection before she heads inside the dorm. Everything looks okay. If someone doesn’t look too closely, they won’t notice how glassy her eyes are. If they don’t stand right on top of her, they won’t smell the scent of alcohol mingled with mints. Eye drops and breath mints have become a vital part of her every day routine.

The bartenders have known her name for a while now and they know exactly what she likes. They have a drink waiting for her by the time she reaches the bar.

Sometimes Audrey thinks the only real friends she has are the bartenders, who are always happy to indulge her in all the things she likes.

Sometimes she has company. She and Ian are friends again–just friends, because he’s too loyal to his cheerleader girlfriend and they’ve just found out their parents are dating, making anything more than friendship between them a bit weird. He comes over sometimes to take a puff on the bubble blower with her every now and then. She’s thankful for this, since most other people she knows are too goody two shoes to ever get high (*cough*Emma*cough*) or have other things to think about (Nathan and Terri) or just don’t like to do it too often (Darcy, who claims the bubble blower makes her feel a bit sick).

But even Ian has his limits, and most of the time it’s just Audrey, alone and giggling to herself.

Breathing deeply, just to make everything else go away.

But even the alcohol, the bubble blower, and the pills–the ones she got from some guy she met at the student union–don’t chase it all away. Sometimes everything that has ever happened in her life feels like too much. Sometimes she feels broken and she isn’t sure why.

Sometimes she just wants it all to end.

###

Darcy is relieved freshman year is almost over. This year has been hard. Her classes have been tough and her sisters have been weird and for most of the year, she was still nursing a bit of a broken heart. Her old high school boyfriend Robert Parks had decided to go to college out of state and so they had ended things just before she came to Pine State University. She had hoped to meet someone else to occupy her time, but that hadn’t happened.

“This seat taken?” Edwin asks as he sits next to her.

Darcy smiles. “Nope, all yours.”

“Getting in some last minute studying?” he asks.

“Yeah. I’m really nervous about my poly sci exam. I keep having these nightmares that I’m going to forget everything I’ve learned this year.”

“Freshman year is easy,” Edwin tells her. “Just wait until you’re a senior.”

Darcy groans. “Don’t terrify me before I’ve even made it out of freshman year!”

He grins. “Sorry. But seriously, I think I’m going to be stuck here again for another semester next year.”

“That bad?” she asks.

“Let’s just say that I need like three months worth of extra credit just to bring my average up to a C,” Edwin tells her. “My parents are going to kill me when they find out. I’m sure they’ll make me get a job this summer to pay for another semester on my own.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’ll be here next year too,” Darcy says. “Three more years to go.”

“Maybe we could make these study dates a nightly ritual,” Edwin says.

They both stare down at their books for a moment, silent. Darcy feels a smile spreading across her face and she bends her head, hoping her hair covers it so he doesn’t notice.

“You know what every study date needs?” Edwin asks suddenly.

“What?”

“A study break. Want to go get some ice cream?”

Darcy’s smile grows wider. “I’d love to.”

###

Silvia has an end of year surprise for Blake. When he walks into her room, he stops and stares.

“Well?” she says.

“Does this mean…?”

She nods, suddenly feeling a little shy. “If you still want to, I’m ready.”

She doesn’t have to ask him twice.

###

Emma walks into Audrey’s room that morning to ask to borrow her purple sweater. Instead, she forgets all about clothes when she sees Audrey on the floor.

“Audrey?” Emma asks. Audrey is wedged between the bed and the desk, her eyes rolled back into her head. Her arms are limp and she doesn’t flinch when Emma slaps her cheek.

“Audrey?” Emma shouts, practically in her ear. “Audrey, can you hear me?”

A cold dread washes over Emma’s body. “Darcy! Someone help!”

——————————————————

Audrey got this ROS: “Satisfy three fears in 24 hours.” Luckily for the well-being of everyone else, the only fears Audrey kept rolling up were about passing out on the floor or getting turned down for a date or having a bad conversation. So since I knew that satisfying three fears right there together would make her go crazy, I decided to use just the aftermath of satisfying those fears in the story instead of the pretty lame fears themselves. With Audrey’s problems dealing with her dad’s death, her bad relationship with her mom, and her constant dependence on juice and the bubble blower (seriously, she is ALWAYS on that thing!)  she was heading for disaster eventually. It just happened a little earlier than I had planned, thanks to this ROS.

So, to be continued in the mini-update coming up next… 🙂

Spring 2011 Semester grades:
Ian Lloyd: A+ – senior – 3.6 GPA – graduated
Blake Lloyd: A+ – senior – 3.7 GPA – graduated cum laude
Seth Lloyd: D – senior – 3.1 GPA – graduated
Emma Sutton: D – senior – 3.6 GPA – graduated
Audrey Sutton: Incomplete – senior
Edwin Chase: F – senior – Failed, academic probation
Silvia Howell: B – junior – 3.5 GPA
Darcy Sutton: C – freshman – 3.5 GPA

And Edwin is insistent on remaining a playable after college. I didn’t plan for him and Darcy to have any sparks together, but they apparently had other ideas:

Since Edwin failed, he’ll be back at college in the fall repeating this semester again. Him and Darcy alone in the dorm (aside from a bunch of unplayables). Wonder what could possibly happen? 😉

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